Sometimes, You Have to Get Lost to Find Yourself
Hey, it’s Van! I’m back with a new blog post, and something kinda exciting (well, at least exciting to me). How have you been?
In one of my previous ramblings, I mentioned that I was thinking about making videos, partly to document my journey, partly to face a fear I’ve had for way too long. Talking in front of a camera? Being seen? Being watched? Yeah… not exactly my comfort zone.
But something shifted after my Canada trip. Or maybe it was already shifting, and I just needed space—mountains, silence, strangers who didn’t know my name—to hear it.
I came back with a mind full of reflections, a heart a little more raw, and honestly… the kind of messy wisdom you only get when life doesn’t go as planned. And that’s exactly what I put into my first video:
🎥 You can watch it here using this link: https://youtu.be/8iE8yWE_sOo?si=7kSQ-Lf4bDcGfkC5
Why I Finally Hit “Post”
Making that video felt vulnerable. Sharing it? Even more so.
I used to think I had to wait until I had it all figured out before I could start creating, start sharing. But I realized, if I wait for perfection, I’ll be waiting forever. And I don’t have forever.
(Okay, don’t be alarmed, this isn’t a sad post. But I do think about death a lot. Not in a scary way. In a freeing way.)
Ever since I became more aware of the fact that life is short—and not in a cliché Pinterest quote kind of way—I started living differently. I started asking better questions. Like:
What do I want to leave behind?
Who am I when I’m not trying to be impressive?
Am I living for real, or just performing?
I hesitated a lot before uploading it.
What if I ramble? (I did.)
What if I look awkward? (Also yes.)
What if no one watches? (Maybe. But I watched it. And I made it for me first.)
What surprised me was… the relief.
Once I put it out there, I stopped carrying it around. The overthinking. The fear of judgment. The what ifs.
It felt like giving my past self a hug and saying, “It’s okay. You’re allowed to be seen.”
A Note to You (Yes, You)
If you’ve ever wanted to create something—write, film, paint, speak—but held yourself back because it felt too vulnerable, this is your nudge.
Do it messy.
Do it scared.
Do it with your shaky voice and imperfect lighting and heart full of doubt.
But do it anyway.
Because life is short.
And you’re here.
And that matters more than you think.
And maybe—just maybe—someone, somewhere, someday, will stumble upon your words, your art, your voice… and feel a little less alone.
One day, if I’m no longer here, this blog and my videos might be the only traces I leave behind. My little legacy in pixels and feelings. And honestly? I’m okay with that.
Thanks for reading. I’m sending you a weirdly specific mix of mountain air, good soup, and the kind of peace that only comes when you stop pretending.
With love and the messiest kind of honesty,
– Van
