“Merry Christmas”
“Are you ready for Christmas?”
That’s the question I’ve been asked the most lately. About three times a day.
My answer is usually: “Oh yeah! I have nothing to be ready for.”
I might be too honest in the way I talk to people. Sometimes I force myself to ask my clients how they are, how their day has been—simply because I work in customer service. Other times, even when I’m tired, I remind myself that the person in front of me deserves respect and care. And most of the time, I genuinely care about their answer. A simple act of caring.
Christmas, to me, is not really a holiday.
It’s something else. Very economic. Very stressful.
People say “Merry Christmas” as a way to be friendly, not necessarily because they care. What they seem to care more about is how amazing their nails look, how fancy their clothes are, or how expensive their gifts are. This is just my personal observation—a rule of thumb—so it doesn’t apply to everyone. And I wouldn’t be brave enough to say I’m different, or rebellious.
What I really wish for is a silent day off. No party. No talking. Just loving gazes at each other—and maybe some sign language (it’s not easy to not talk at all; I’m also learning ASL, which stands for American Sign Language).
But I’ve never had that experience. Back in Vietnam, we always went to church and enjoyed performances there. Now, after living here for roughly three years, we host a Christmas party every year in the house I live in—of course, without my consent.
It’s hard to find a piece of quiet. We barely have a day off together, and whenever we do, we’re preparing to invite guests into the house. I don’t really have a voice here unless I move out. I’ve never joined a gift exchange, nor celebrated Christmas on my own terms.
But this year, I chose something different.
I walked away while people were still drinking and talking. I sat by a pond, watching ducks in the middle of the party, in the middle of the day. I watched a film—a love story about two women. Then I walked again in the evening, watching a cloud that looked like Santa.
In the midst of chaos, I had to make a decision about how to find peace within myself.
I also reflected on my 2025. I realized the biggest gift I received this year is being single—something I didn’t appreciate a few months ago, when I was yearning for love. Now I walk in solitude, and it brings me so much joy. The joy of being with myself.
I can see things more clearly, get to the core, learn the ultimate truth about my own existence. No distractions.
I wouldn’t be here, becoming this version of myself, if I were in a relationship right now. From experience, I know how easy it is for me to lose myself in love, regardless of all the psychological concepts I’ve learned.
In the years to come, my biggest mission is to learn how to listen.
I’m beginning to understand the power of true listening. It can change someone’s life, in a good way. My greatest achievement would be to stop being an “expert,” to treat everyone equally, and to trust the goodness in people wholeheartedly.
A sneak peek: I’ve decided to pursue a double major in college now that I’m finishing my upper credits: one BS in Psychology, and one BA in Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies. From the first moment I saw the second major, it just felt right. The study of gender. The study of sexuality. And the study to reduce prejudice!
