Would a short solo roadtrip help?

This blog might not have existed without you, my friend.

Hey, it’s Van, with a little update.

It’s been a very long time since I wrote something. I hope you are doing well.

Today is a very normal Sunday evening.

But…not very, actually. I have just decided to hit the road by myself this upcoming week, in the next 2 nights. Usually, I would put more thought into a solo trip because I want to be well prepared. But not this case.

It is, in fact, a very random, last-minute decision.

I have never thought of going on any trips at this point,

partly as I am busy,

and the other part is about my priority: I want to save up some money to buy a car

That’s the whole point.

However, I just feel like maybe it is time for me to be off the road.

I finished my associate degree in psychology on May 16th this year. Then I will finish my psychology degree at a larger university very soon this fall.

Everything seems to be settled,

but deep down,

I know it is not what I ever wanted.

It is a shame to admit that I tend to overfocus on financial security these days, which contradicts what I told myself to do last year.

I want money. I want the freedom that money offers me. And I lose myself in that endless journey.

These days, I am drained more often.

The days that I feel like I am wearing thin happen more often. I neither have the patience nor the kindness for those I love.

Slowly, I know I have reached my limits, but I push myself harder for months.

As you might know, in one of my previous posts, I mentioned that I took 21 credit hours PLUS worked 7 days per week this term. It certainly has taken a toll on both my physical and mental well-being.

And today… I ran into some unwanted situations with a friend that I really love, which…I believe it’s kind of a tipping point, where I feel like I need to really stop what I have been doing to re-evaluate my life a bit.

I made mistakes and said things I regret.

I can’t take my words back.

I don’t think I said something offensive, but I did pick the wrong time to give them feedback. I have not asked them whether they need that feedback; I wasn’t sure what I was doing.

And all I can do is to give them the time and space they need. I think it is also my chance to stop looking around for my inner peace.

Honestly, I hate these feelings. I might have made people around me tired without realizing.

I have been more sensitive, more reactive.

I am no longer me, at some points.

Well, this post will mostly be like this. I will update my time in nature later this week, hopefully.

Thank you.