From Scaredy-Cat to Road-Tripper
First Times, Fears, and Freedom
Hey, how’s it going? I haven’t seen you in a hot minute! I’d love to know what’s been going on in your life, and really hope you’re doing well.
I don’t have anything specific to say today. Honestly, I don’t even know who I am at this moment (it sounds a little dramatic, I know). But one thing I do want to share is that I just got back from a two-week trip in California. Solo.
Why is that worth mentioning? I mean, people go on road trips all the time, right? But for me, this one was different. It debunked so many of the limits I thought I had. It can even inspire you to really take actions toward what you treasure in your life.
My First “Win”: BART and Bravery
I started off in San Francisco, staying with my grandma and relatives. On my first afternoon, I tried the BART train (still don’t know what that stands for). I had no clue how to pay, which line to take, or how not to look lost. And trust me, there were so many trains going in different directions.What should’ve been a quick 30-minute drive turned into a two-hour adventure by train.
Old Van would’ve chickened out. But this time, I tried anyway. And when I finally got to where I wanted, I was so proud. It might sound small, but it was my first win: facing my fear of the unknown.
I still remember that afternoon when I sit alone in the park, watching people with their friends hanging out. I was alone, but I didn’t feel lonely.
Road Trip #1: Half Moon Bay
Next up was driving. My uncle lent me his car (renting under 25 is a whole scam, let’s be real). At first, my hands shook on the wheel just driving through the hills of El Cerrito. But then I decided to take a proper road trip from El Cerrito to Half Moon Bay, about an hour away.
San Francisco traffic was no joke. But once I made it to the coast and saw the calm, blue ocean, everything melted. I could stop wherever I wanted, sit as long as I liked, and just breathe. That was freedom, the kind I didn’t even know I craved.
Road Trip #2: Lake Tahoe
And why stop at one trip? Next, I drove four hours to Lake Tahoe. For a first-time long-distance driver, it felt like signing up for some huge life test. Every decision was mine, like what roads to take, when to leave, how to handle those mountain curves?…
Was I scared? Absolutely. Did I listen to my heart anyway? Yes. And eventually, the lake appeared in front of me, sparkling and calm. That moment showed me something new: I actually love solo road trips.
Hiking, Hostels, and Headspace
I also did my first solo hike in a redwood national park. Every steep step was hard, physically and mentally. But with every deep breath, I felt stronger.
After a few days in Northern California, I headed south by train and bus. Big Sur left me speechless. San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara, San Diego, Hermosa Beach—I wandered them all. I stayed in hostels, met people from all over, and shared stories late at night. For once, I didn’t feel lonely. I trusted myself. I enjoyed myself. I grew.
I realized what makes me feel alive: travel and freedom. Both inside and out.
The Not-So-Great Part
Of course, not everything was perfect. Since I’ve been back, I’ve fallen into scrolling on my phone more than I’d like. I re-downloaded Facebook, joined dating apps, and found myself checking way too often. From 30 minutes a day to almost triple that.
It am aware that I wasn’t really looking for notifications but I was trying to fill an emptiness inside me. Waiting for someone to text so I wouldn’t have to sit with myself. Being on the road with full of unexpected things is fun, but when I get back to my normal life, it is kind of boring. And I am working on it again.
So that’s my story today: first times, fears, and the freedom I found.
I realized that staying in the status quo might feel safe, but it also keeps me from truly living the life I want. I already have so much where I am now—my job, my education, my family and friends—and I’m deeply grateful for that. But I also know it isn’t enough for me.
Not taking action, while knowing what I value most, feels more costly than the risks of actually facing my fears and investing in these experiences. Wasting time is more expensive than any plane ticket or road trip.
Hopefully, my little adventure brings you some joy, a bit of hope, and maybe even the inspiration to chase the life you really want.
With love,
Van.
